I'm the principal here at Horace Green Prep, and we're having a little emergency here one of our teachers broke her leg on the way to school this morning, and all of our subs are already working. Mullins: Oh, could you take a message for me? Dewey: Um. Hello?! Dewey: Yeah? Mullins: Is this Mr. Yeah, it's a 1968 Gibson SG, mint condish. Okay and you're gonna be a funny little footnote on my epic ass. You know what? So what? I don't wanna hang out with wannabe corporate sellouts. You've been focused so hard on making it, you forgot about one thing. Dewey: You guys, you know what? You're nuts. Read between the lines! Neil: Dewey, man, I hope this doesn't come between us. We're trying to land a record deal here, man, and you're an embarrassment. You're a good guitar player, but it's the 20-minute solos, it's the stage dives. Dewey: Okay, you're gonna kick me out of the band? You're gonna fire me? Well, this is my band.
Spider: What's up, dawg? Neil: I was gonna tell you last night, Dewey, but you passed out, man. Theo: Dewey, did you hear what I said? We voted. But I've been sitting on some awesome material, so. Dewey: Your lyrics, now, don't take this the wrong way, Theo, are lame. If we're gonna win this thing, we gotta actually start playing some music. Ned: Thank you.ĭewey: Hey! What's up? Is that a new song? Who's this guy? Theo: Dewey, we're taking the Battle of the Bands seriously this year. Dewey: Really? Because that would be a good thing! She's a nightmare! Ned: Come on! I may never have another girlfriend! I mean, just come on! Come up with some money, please! Please! Dewey: Okay, for you. Just dump her, man! Ned: Yeah, well, if you don't come up with some money, she's gonna dump me. Dewey: What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars? Patty: Oh, my God, he's an idiot! Dewey: Dude, I've been mooching off you for years, and it's never been a problem until she showed up. I don't know, I mean, maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something. Rockin' ain't no walk in the park, lady! Patty: All right, this is useless, all right? You tell him that if he doesn't come up with the rent by the end of the week, he's out of here! Ned: Dewey, I'm not paying your share of the rent, so. Dewey: Dude, I service society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Dewey: Temping? Ned: Dewey, a substitute teacher is not a temp! Dewey: He's a babysitter! Ned: Oh, yeah, you think it's so easy? Well, I'd like to see you try. "Hello?!" Dewey: What?! Can you get her out of here, please? Why?! Why her?! Patty: And Ned has the most important job there is. We contribute to society, all right? I am an assistant to the mayor of the city. Patty: Oh, give it up! Your band has never made two cents! Ned: Patty, come on! I'm on this! Patty: Oh, you're on this? You're on this? He's walking all over you! Dewey: Mommy, could we please talk about this later? Patty: Uh, no, we can't talk about it later because Ned and I have to go to work. We're gonna win Battle of the Bands, and when I'm rolling in the Benjamins, I will throw you and your dog a bone. Patty: Yeah, try $2,200! Dewey: Okay, you guys, the band is about to hit it bigtime. Dewey! I mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is. Dewey: Oh, man! You know I don't have it! You wake me up for that? Come on, man! Ned: Sorry. Patty: Then get in there and do it! Dewey: What? What is it? Ned: Dewey, hey, it's the first of the month, and, uh, I would like your share of the rent now, please. Patty: Ned, aren't you tired of letting people push you around? Ned: Yes. Can't we just do this later? I mean, you know how he gets in the morning. Dude, is my face okay? I think you melted it off! ĭialogue Patty: He is a lazy freeloader, and it's time for all this dysfunction to stop.Okay, whose got food in here? You're not gonna get in trouble, I'm hungry.I have been touched by your kids, and I'm pretty sure I've touched them.We may fall on our faces, but if we do, we will fall with dignity! With a guitar in our hands, and rock in our hearts! And in the words of AC/DC: "We roll tonight to the guitar bite, and for those about to rock, I salute you." So let's just give this everything we got. Now you played hard in here, people, and I am proud of every last stinking one of you.And we shall teach rock ‘n’ roll to the world. (Variation of George Bernard Shaw quote and earlier quoted verbatim in Annie Hall) We will continue our lecture on the Man when we return.Miss "Dumbum" ain't your teacher today, I am.I’m gonna form my own band and we’re gonna start a revolution, okay? And you’re gonna be a funny little footnote on my epic ass. I don’t wanna hang out with a bunch of wannabe corporate sellouts.I will see you cats on the flip-flop later! (watching the clock, waiting for the end of the day) Yes! We did it! Gimme some of that, yeah, that's it.I’m out there on the front lines liberating people with my music.
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